


Keeping Time

by roguefaerie (samidha)



Series: Reconcilliation (Reaper Jessica Moore) [10]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Jessica Moore Lives, Multi, Working out Ableism, Working out Solutions, solutions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-19 04:29:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13696881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samidha/pseuds/roguefaerie
Summary: Dean and Jess are learning. It's time for Dean to know that, no matter what, Sam knows what's best for himself.





	Keeping Time

Sam is a little bit floaty for a few days. When he comes back, they’re all sitting around the small kitchen table. They know he’s coming back from somewhere because he seems to lurch a little, like returning from a distance.

He nudges Dean with his boot, then, looks right at him and then Jess and starts rattling off titles and years.

Really fast.

“Uh. Sam?”

“The top song of the year for every year I’ve been to,” he says.

“You memorized them?” Dean asks. “Rapid fire? Is this like high school debate club?”

Sam shrugs. “I had time.”

Dean blinks, lowering his beer to the table.

“When?”

“When I was traveling. When do you think?” Still a little defensive.

Jess shrugs. “Makes sense,” she offers quietly, and nudges Dean under the table. “That could be really important, Sam.”

“It is. It’s how I’m going to keep time from now on,” he says. “Music.”

And Sam does what he says he’s going to do, and they’re not really sure if he’s floating around less, but he seems more centered when they know he’s really there.

Sometimes he is even timing himself, paying particular attention to the clock.

They still watch him. Not exactly worried, but…

“I’ve got this. I’ll fix it. For you. For the family. I can do it. I can..”

Dean thinks of years of the open road, and music punctuating every moment that was theirs, that belonged to them. He smiles and tries to keep it real. He still doesn’t feel like joking. Neither of them do. 

Right now, he’s just tired. Sam’s taking the reins, and it makes Dean realize how long he’s been holding them. How long they’ve been--

“That’s great, Sam,” Dean says, keeping his tone neutral. It is great. It really is great. He’s just so tired. So tired. And scared. The fear of what comes next bubbles up inside him and starts to speed up his heart a little.

Sam sighs. “Dean. Hey. Hey. Hey. You’ve been supporting me. It’s been about a year like this. But it’s not your fault. None of this is your fault.”

Dean isn’t sure if he’s convinced. “Fault, maybe not, but….”

“Not your responsibility either. Dean...look. I found a way to keep time. Maybe now I can finally heal. Whatever that’d be like.”

Whatever that’d be like indeed. They probably have no idea.

“Sammy, that’d be really great. I know you can. You’re doing fine. I...”

“Hm?”

“Sammy, I…”

Words dry up on his tongue. He’s gotten quieter, since the advent of the bond.

He feels Sam step out of his wonky time travel adventure for a second, long enough to push gently on the bond.

_Dean? Tell me._

It’s harder to hold thoughts in. _I’m drowning._

“I’m sorry. It’s fine. Look, Sammy. I’m proud of you.”

Sam and Jess both watch him. Everything they were supposed to hear, they heard.

“It’ll be all right, Dean,” Jess says. “Sam’s got this. You’ve got this.”

And yeah. It’ll have to be. There’s no other choice.


End file.
